Don’t Be a Selective Religious Parent

Parenting

Jan 12

I coined this phrase after noticing how many people around me practice selective religious parenting. I often see fully practicing Muslim families who are strict on themselves, but teach their children to be lax with Islamic laws and obligations to instead, focus on duniya-centered achievements. I know it may come as a shocker, but I do judge parents based on how their children behave and follow the deen, and I expect to be judged for my kids as well.

I see hijabi moms with Masters and PHDs teaching kids at the masjid how to be good Muslims, but they raise feminist daughters who dress immodestly and know nothing about being a wife and mother. They prevent their girls from marrying young to pursue careers, and their sons from marrying pious, simple girls since it’s unpopular with their crowd.

I'm not sure how we, as parents, have gone so far as to pick and choose what we wish to follow in Islam while ignoring what is unfavorable to us. So far, I've listed a few observations I’ve made, and if you can relate and know more about what I'm saying, please leave your comments below.

Ways Parents Can be Selectively Religious

1. When parents are concerned about their children receiving excellent grades in secular education while neglecting their children's Islamic education because they consider it secondary and somewhat irrelevant.

2. When parents push their girls to study beyond school in order to secure a steady profession in case they marry an abuser, thus, they are teaching their daughters to live in fear and forget that risq is from Allah SWT.

3. When parents tell their older children they are too young to marry (doing something halal), but then turn a blind eye when their kids converse with and meet the opposite gender behind their backs.

4. When parents become enraged if their son or daughter chooses to pursue a career as an alim/a, ustadth/a, or shaykh/a over medical or law school.

5. When parents vehemently object to a pious man with a mediocre income proposing marriage to their daughter but graciously accept a rich man who barely keeps to his fards.

6. When parents enroll their children in public schools and liberal colleges, naively assuming it won't affect them, and then discovering that it does, but still believe that homeschooling will impede their children's socialization and success.

7. When parents allow their children to dress immodestly or skip salah because they fear that if they "force" them to follow their fards, they will go astray or detest Islam, instead of teaching them about the gravity of disobeying their Lord.

8. When parents enroll their children in Islamic or hifdz schools and madrassas to "fix" their children's behavior because they are too "busy" or lazy to teach their children manners and etiquette themselves.

9. When mothers are absent due to frequent social gatherings and community volunteer activities, believing they are being charitable, while their children are left at home unsupervised, watching inappropriate movies and surfing the web without limits.

10. When workaholic fathers are never at home and hardly speak to their children, believing that they are doing great because their family can afford to buy expensive things.

11. When parents forbid their children from marrying people of different races or nationalities because they’re prejudiced and think, "What will people say?"

12. When parents recognize that adhering to traditional roles and being resilient leads to more successful marriages but do not train their sons and daughters to be good spouses and promote that they divorce for trivial reasons.

May Allah SWT protect us from being hypocritical parents who are selective about the deen for the sake of earthly benefits, and may He grant us offspring who are righteous and will be the coolness of our eyes. Ameen

Salaam, I’m Zakeeya

I believe that making our homes a safe haven for our families, as well as being a wife and mother, brings us great blessings, contentment, and benefits society as a whole. Since 2011, I've been dedicated to assisting Muslimas in finding tranquility in their roles, taking better care of themselves, and achieving inner peace. Our journey in this world is not an easy one, but I pray the tools and guidance I offer will help you face life's challenges with more gratitude and mindfulness. Join me as I share wifehood, motherhood, homemaking, and lifestyle solutions that make life more fulfilling for you as a woman, inshallah. Read more about me here.