How Complaining Steals The Barakah From Motherhood
Every mother has moments when frustration spills over. You’re tired, overwhelmed, and longing for a break, and sometimes, the only thing that comes out is a sigh or a complaint.
As Muslims, it’s important to lose the habit of venting endlessly and learn to speak with purpose instead. Complaining can seem harmless, but it quietly destroys your peace, perspective, and patience as a mother.
Now, this doesn’t mean you should bottle everything up or pretend your life is perfect, because motherhood is no walk in the park. There’s nothing wrong with occasionally venting to a trusted friend or seeking support when things feel heavy. However, if complaining becomes your default lens, it will poison your life.
Sadly, I hear it too often in mom circles, on social media, and even among practicing sisters. “My kids drive me crazy.” “I hate thinking about what to cook every day.” “My husband never helps like he should.” “I do everything, and no one appreciates it.”
It becomes a soundtrack to motherhood, and we don’t even realize we’re playing it on repeat. But here’s the truth: complaining doesn’t fix anything. It trains your mind to focus on what’s wrong, drains you emotionally, and shapes your home into a space of tension and fatigue rather than warmth and serenity.
How Complaining Affects Your Home
Children learn not only from what we do but also from how we speak. If they grow up hearing their mother constantly irritated and resentful, they begin to think love sounds like stress or that motherhood equals misery.
We weren’t meant to nurture in misery; we were meant to mother with sabr, shukr, and tawakkul, because we are believers. That doesn’t mean we’ll always feel amazing, but it does mean we strive to reframe our struggles and discipline our tongues.
When your tongue speaks gratitude, even in hardship, you invite barakah (blessings) into your day. When it speaks only complaints, you push that barakah away.
Why Do Some Moms Complain So Much?
Many mothers don’t complain because they’re ungrateful; they do it out of exhaustion, loneliness, or feeling unseen. I’ve been there too. When I felt invisible or taken for granted, I found myself muttering under my breath more than I made dua.
But then I realized something enlightening: constant complaining didn’t make anyone treat me better; it only made me feel like a victim and pity myself.
I realized that what I needed wasn’t another vent session but to pause, reframe, and reconnect with my Lord. I was giving too much of myself to the world and not enough to the One who gave me my blessings in the first place.
What Happens When You Complain Too Much
Chronic complaining creates a cycle that quietly eats away at peace:
It feeds resentment: The more you talk about what’s wrong, the bigger those problems feel.
It drains your goodness: Complaints don’t bring relief; they multiply negativity.
It weakens your iman: It makes you forget Allah’s mercy and blessings.
It influences your children: They start to associate motherhood with tension and stress.
It pushes people away: Constant negativity closes hearts and creates distance in relationships.
Motherhood is tough enough without letting your own tongue become your enemy.
What to Do Instead
You can replace complaining with conscious, healing speech. Here’s how:
Turn complaints into duas: Instead of saying, “I’m so overwhelmed,” say, “Ya Allah, grant me strength, ease, and reward me for my patience.”
Replace venting with journaling: Write it down instead of saying it aloud. It releases emotions without infecting your atmosphere with negativity.
Practice purposeful silence: Sometimes the best thing you can do is stay quiet, make wudu, and let the moment pass. Every complaint you hold back for Allah’s sake is reward upon reward.
Reframe your struggle: Say, “This is hard, but it’s worth it.” or “Allah sees my effort, even when no one else does.” Words shape your reality.
Use uplifting words at home: Instead of nagging, say, “Let’s try again together.” or “Mama’s feeling tired; I’d love your help.” Children respond to tone as much as words.
Take breaks when you’re tired: Rest isn’t laziness. A rested mother nurtures with calm, not resentment.
Complain only to Allah SWT: Be like Prophet Yaqub AS, who said, “I only complain of my suffering and my grief to Allah” (Qur’an 12:86). He didn’t deny his pain; he directed it toward the One who could heal it.
So, dear Mama, pause before you speak. Let your words bring you barakah, not sins. You were created to raise your family with mercy, not misery, and when your tongue reflects gratitude, your home will reflect peace, inshallah.
Salaam, I’m Zakeeya
I believe our homes are meant to be havens of sakina—places where families feel safe, nurtured, and loved. Since 2011, I’ve been dedicated to helping Muslim women find tranquility in their roles, care for themselves with dignity, and achieve inner peace. Drawing on my years of experience as a wife, mother, and mentor, I share tools and guidance to help you face life’s challenges with more gratitude and mindfulness. Here, you’ll find Muslima, wifehood, motherhood, and lifestyle insights to make your journey as a woman more fulfilling, inshallah. Read more about me here.
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