Why Raising Our Sons and Daughters Uniquely is Natural and Beneficial
We live in a world where the lines between the genders are becoming increasingly blurry, and this confusion is harming both men and women. Allah SWT, in His wisdom, created men and women differently. If we were meant to be identical, Allah could have created only one gender. Instead, He created us with distinct roles, temperaments, and responsibilities, each complementing the other.
It is not realistic, or even Islamic, to treat sons and daughters in exactly the same way. Doing so is not equality but rather erasing the natural balance Allah SWT has placed between the sexes. As a mother, I admit that I raise my children uniquely. I treat my daughters more gently in some ways, and I allow my sons more freedom to explore the world, and that is not only normal but also beneficial.
Unfortunately, many modern parents are so afraid of upsetting their children that they no longer parent but simply try to please. They want to be their children’s friends rather than their guides. But our kids already have friends, and what they need are parents who set boundaries, give direction, and instill values in order to feel secure and grounded. A mother and father are unique and irreplaceable, and no “friend” can fulfill that role.
How We Raise Our Daughters
My husband and I don’t push our daughters into the workplace or into pursuing hectic secular education just for the sake of careerism. Instead, we remind them that their first role is worship, then family and marriage, even if they also develop other skills along the way.
We don’t let them go out alone late at night or travel unaccompanied. Protecting our daughters is part of our amanah as parents.
We require them to wear the prescribed Islamic hijab because modesty (haya) is their shield and honor, plus it is a fard in Islam and not a choice, like many parents think.
“And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their chastity and not display their beauty except what is apparent of it, and to draw their veils over their chests…” (Quran 24:31)
We encourage them to be homemakers, to learn to cook, clean, and babysit, because these are essential life skills that will prepare them for their future roles as wives and mothers, inshallah. I cannot explain how many single women I know who struggle to keep a home and raise kids after marriage due to their parents pushing them to study and work over learning basic and necessary life skills.
How We Raise Our Sons
My husband and I push our sons to get jobs or work on businesses. Providing is their responsibility, as Allah SWT says:
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women…” (Quran 4:34).
They go out into the world more because they will one day carry the burden of leadership, protection, and provision for their families, so they need to learn how to navigate society.
They perform tougher chores like fixing the cars, maintaining the house, taking out the garbage, moving and assembling furniture, and cleaning the yard and garage, because physical labor and responsibility build their strength and manhood.
They are expected to shoulder responsibility early and protect the women in our household, in line with the Prophet’s SAW words:
“Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you is responsible for his flock.” (Bukhari and Muslim)
What Our Sons and Daughters Share
Both our sons and daughters must fulfill all their fard obligations, like salah, fasting, zakah, etc., as a minimum, and we promote that they learn Arabic, read the Quran and Hadith, and study Islamic fiqh.
They are not allowed to do anything or go anywhere that is haram (for obvious reasons) as long as they are under our roof, and it does not matter if they are adults, because if they are dependents, we set this as a house rule.
They are both persuaded to marry early and to do so through halal means and with our support in order to avoid engaging in secret or sinful relationships, which can lead to zina.
They both share household responsibilities because cooperation in the home is part of the sunnah, and they need to help their parents and clean up after themselves. The chores are split equally (except for some things that are gender-specific) because they are children living with their parents, and it's not a husband-wife situation.
Raising Sons with Islamic Guidance
Sons must be taught leadership with humility, strength with gentleness, and provision with fairness. They should look to the likes of Umar ibn al-Khattab (RA) for courage and to the Prophet SAW for his mercy and justice. Boys naturally lean toward strength, but they must be guided to channel it into protection, not aggression, and into service, not selfishness. They must learn to respect women, as the Prophet SAW said:
“The best of you are those who are best to their wives.” (Tirmidhi)
Sons should also be taught financial responsibility and that their wealth is a trust from Allah, not a tool for arrogance. They must know that earning halal and spending wisely is part of their duty as men and that their risq is determined by their Lord and through good deeds.
Above all, boys must see their purpose as worshippers of Allah before anything else. From a young age, they should be encouraged to pray in the masjid, read the Quran regularly, and live by the verse:
“Indeed, my prayer, my sacrifice, my living, and my dying are for Allah, Lord of the worlds.” (Quran 6:162)
When we raise our sons this way, they grow into men who are not just providers but also protectors, leaders, and gentle shepherds of their families, inshallah.
Raising Daughters with Islamic Guidance
Daughters must be taught modesty, self-worth, and resilience. The Prophet SAW gave daughters a high status when he said:
“Whoever has three daughters and is patient with them, provides for them, and clothes them from his wealth—they will be a shield for him from the Hellfire.” (Ahmad)
This shows how precious our girls are in the sight of Allah SWT and how raising them well is a means of immense reward.
Our girls need to know that modesty is not weakness but strength, that guarding their haya is a crown of honor. They must be taught that homemaking is not oppression but a noble skill and that their worth is not in competing with men but in being honored for who they are.
At the same time, they should know that seeking beneficial knowledge is their right and that education in deen and knowledge of the duniya will strengthen them as future wives, mothers, and contributors to the ummah.
They should also be guided to emotional strength and resilience, knowing that hardship is part of life, but Allah promises ease with it:
“Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.” (Quran 94:6).
Teach them that their voice matters, their contributions are valuable, and their support to family and community is a sadaqah in itself, so they don’t fall for the glib tongue of bad men and women.
Remind them of Maryam (AS) for devotion, Khadija (RA) for loyalty and wisdom, Aisha (RA) for knowledge and courage, and Fatima (RA) for simplicity and piety. When our daughters are raised with this balance of modesty, education, resilience, and role models, they grow into women who are confident, dignified, and strong in their deen.
Final Thoughts
True equality is not sameness. Sons and daughters are different, and they need to be raised uniquely, with those differences in mind. Both are honored in Islam, both should be loved equally by their parents, and both are guided to the same ultimate goal: Jannah.
“O you who believe, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones…” (Quran 66:6).
As Muslim parents, we cannot allow modern ideologies to erase the divine wisdom of gender differences. Allah SWT created us this way, so it is the natural order of life.
Our children deserve to be raised uniquely, in accordance with their fitrah and the Quran and Sunnah, because that is what will protect them, honor them, and help them thrive in this life and the next, inshallah.
Salaam, I’m Zakeeya
I believe our homes are meant to be havens of sakina—places where families feel safe, nurtured, and loved. Since 2011, I’ve been dedicated to helping Muslim women find tranquility in their roles, care for themselves with dignity, and achieve inner peace. Drawing on my years of experience as a wife, mother, and mentor, I share tools and guidance to help you face life’s challenges with more gratitude and mindfulness. Here, you’ll find Muslima, wifehood, motherhood, and lifestyle insights to make your journey as a woman more fulfilling, inshallah. Read more about me here.
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